Thank you to Tout for sponsoring this post and encouraging me to share mom’s best advice! Visit the SELF + The Honest Co. + Tout contest  on.self.com/MomKnows  to share the best advice you received from your mom and enter to win $500 worth of The Honest Company product and a Maya Brenner Designs necklace valued at $200, in addition to having their Tout featured on SELF.com.  Additionally, for every response a donation will be made to Baby2Baby.

I was super excited to be selected to write this post. I thought I would be able to come up with all of this wonderful advice that my mom had given me over the years and be able to share all of these nuggets with you.

I was wrong.

I drew a total blank!

I even called my sister….

“Did mom ever give you any advice because I can’t think of any profound words she said to us!”. To which the answer was a moment of silence and an “ummm…”

*I do want to put a disclaimer here and say that it is entirely possible that I was such a selfish pre-teen/teenager that my mom could have poured into me all sorts of wonderful advice and it went in one ear and out the other.*

That being said, my mom has always been a woman of few words. She tries not to get involved in squabbles, she is an amazing listener and has perfected the art of validating your feelings without ever really taking a side. Even though she always gives you the feeling that she’s on yours.

As I’m reflecting, I can remember three tried and true statements that she used to advise us when we were growing up.

1. Respect your elders.

2. Treat others like you want to be treated.

3. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

They may sound cliche but they were effective and I find myself using them to advise my own kids. But besides those three, she never really sat me or my sister down for life lessons or to give words of advice. We grew up free to make our own mistakes (and we made plenty) without ever getting the “I told you so”. That’s not to say we didn’t get punished because, BELIEVE ME, my mom was the master of creative punishment. In fact, I remember duck tape being involved in one punishment…but that’s not important right now. Mom never tried preventative measures to keep up from making the mistakes that we did. In fact, I find that most moms from her generation weren’t overly involved with their kids. On the flip side, the generation of moms I belong to tends to helicopter parent; never letting their kids experience any of life’s bumps and bruises. I can’t say one is better than the other. I do believe that I have found a happy medium, implementing what I wish (or think I wish) I had along with the things I loved having while growing up. We won’t know how this experiment turns out until my kids are adults and can tell me.

Which they will, I’m sure.

My mom may not have said much or had long, heart-to-heart discussions with me but what I realized today is that I grew up getting advice, not by listening to her but, by observing her. I learned more about how to live life by watching her and how she reacted than I ever could have by listening to a bunch of chatter. And I find that I still do!

And that realization made me think of one more thing she used to say…

“Actions speak louder than words.”

And THAT is the best advice my mom ever gave me.

Check out the SELF/Honest Co./Tout Contest!

This was an exciting week in the ghetto (garden, that is)!

For those of you who haven’t read about our family’s planting adventure, you can find that HERE.

I took these pictures on Saturday, I can’t believe how happy our plants are and how much they grew in a week!

Of course, I have been diligent about watering. We’ll see what happens when the plants are nice and big.

Might be like having a new baby. I’m really good about meeting the needs of an infant but once they become toddlers all bets are off.

So if you find my plants sitting in front of the T.V. watching Blue’s Clues…well, at least they’ll be in good company.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

Well, my name’s not Mary and frankly I’m not sure any of my new plants will survive.

But if WANTING to be a pro-gardener counts for anything my new veges will FLOURISH!

I mean, my “I Want a Garden” board on Pinterest should be a testament to the green thumb I dream of having.

Although, I’m pretty sure I could kill a succulent and those things never die!

The idea of our garden was born out of a little bean plant Deet brought home from school. He had been writing in a garden journal, documenting this little sprout. And now his teacher would like me to plant it at home and have my child continue to journal about it’s growth stages.

Crap!

I envision his final journal entry to be, “My plant is dead. My mom sucks at this.”

But then I started thinking (or rather, Pinterest starting yelling at me) about how awesome a vege garden would be. I mean, if this little bean plant is going to thrive he’ll need some friends.

Do you know how expensive gardening can be?! I mean, geez! Especially for a newbie! So I started looking around our side yard for things I could recycle. We have a rickety old plant stand that I’m sure is termite ridden, various “pots” made from plastic and clay, and some rusty shovels. Right…this should work out famously.

The biggest expense was going to the soil and the plants. Soil because I need to plant everything in a pot and plants because #1. I didn’t plan this well and now it’s too late to start seeds and #2. Seeds? Really? I can barely tend to my kids. Seeds require way too much time and care in order for them to thrive. No…plants it shall be.

So I went to a very nice nursery in Huntington Beach. I say this like I know the difference between a nice nursery and one that has disease ridden plants (which I don’t) but they had everything I needed and their plants didn’t look yellow. I decided to attempt growing tomatoes, cucumbers, red peppers, zucchini, lettuce, and basil. Add in the little bean plant and we’ve got quite a spread! Also, Cheek picked out a little flower plant to add a pop of color. I also purchased two cages (for the tomatoes and the peppers). I got out of there for $22.

Then it was off to Lowe’s for soil. I left there with 3 bags of potting soil, a bag of manure, a bag of top soil, and a bag of mulch for $20.

I get home and find out that if I’m container gardening I’m going to need a trellis for the cucumbers and zucchini and that I don’t have a big enough container for the zucchini.

Damn it.

So my husband decides we can build our own trellis from bamboo stakes that he finds at Lowe’s (6-6″ stakes for $3, we got two bags) and that we can hold it together with zip ties. Yeah, ghetto. But cheap!

And we splurge on a black plastic tub for the zucchini, 9 bucks.

So now we’re in for $57 and some change. I’m pretty sure I can buy a plethora of these veges on sale at Sprouts for less dough. But, God-willing, I’ll be able to reuse this container, the cages, and the ghetto-fied trellis for years to come.

Then comes planting day. I realize I have no gardening gloves and with rusty shovels I should probably protect myself. So I dig out a pair of those yellow gloves you use (because I don’t) for washing dishes.

Perfect.

The kids are fired up for planting and my initial thought is “there is no way you are touching these plants, do you know how much they cost!?”. But I take a few cleansing breaths and remind myself that this is for their experience as well. Plus, with the home school situation this has got to be educational, right?

First step is mixing the soils. Hmmm…what to mix it in? Right, that plastic cooler that split down the side. That’ll work!

Soil is mixed, we’re ready to go. So we work diligently, I only yell a few times, and an hour later we have a beauty of a garden. I’m pretty sure they, meaning experienced gardeners, would call this a patio garden. But after looking at our pieced together planter situation, the zip-tied trellis, the cinder block wall as the backdrop, and tapping into my Long Beach roots, I declare this our “Ghetto Garden”.

It doesn’t help that my husband suggests dragging over an old couch so that we can sit outside and have coffee in the morning while watering.

Ghet-to.

The little sprout that started it all.

O.k., I know I said “Just Say No to Facebook”. And I meant it.

But Cheek turned 14 this week and since she survived her first year as a teenager we decided to open up our restrictions….a bit.

The first step in this new adventure was handing her a notebook and a pencil and asking her to write down all of the rules she thought she should abide by if given a Facebook account.

She came up with 10.

Pretty impressive I thought!

The next step was editing those rules and adding a few of our own.

Here is the final draft. Note, numbers 2-9 were her ideas.

1. Do unto others as you would have done to you. If ever in doubt, always refer back to this rule.
2. No inappropriate posts or pictures.
3. No accepting friend requests or initiating friend requests from/to people you do not know in real life. If you have never met them in person they are not your friend unless mom or dad say otherwise.
4. Always be respectful and kind with your posts/comments.
5. NEVER give out personal information.
6. May not change password without permission and no creating additional profiles.
7. Do not post about others unless you are being kind and appreciative.
8. Must ask mom or dad for permission to get on Facebook and NOT unless chores/school work is complete for the day.
9. Do not post about anything you aren’t 100% sure about and no post should be marked Public .
10. Remember that ALL of your friends will see everything you post so THINK AHEAD!
11. Do not tag people in pictures or posts unless you have their permission.
12. Do not spam your friends with quotes or pictures from the internet.
13. Be open and honest with mom and dad; if you question whether something is o.k. ASK FIRST.

 *Mom and dad reserve the right to revise these rules or revoke your Facebook privileges at ANY TIME.

At this point she is trembling like a 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke with a pack of Mentos dropped in.

Amusing…and a little scary.

And just to watch her squirm, I decided it was time for lunch.

An hour later we sat down in front of the computer and started the process of signing her up.  After entering her email and password I hovered the mouse over the “Sign Up” button.

“Can I click it?!” she asked.

But of course!

Then I made her sit through 20 minutes of fixing her privacy and account settings.

And then I realized I had my privacy settings so locked down that my own daughter couldn’t find me to “friend” me. Oops.

She is now adding friends like a mad woman.

A mad young woman.

A young woman who has proven herself this past year to be trustworthy and more grown up than this mom wants to admit.

And this is the ONLY time I ever want her to refer to me as a “friend”.

Anyone who knows me, or reads this blog, knows that I heart desserts.

I love making them, I love eating them, I love sharing them.

When Spring and Summer roll around I especially love making a treat that is light and fluffy.

Enter COOL WHIP whipped topping.

COOL WHIP is my go-to when I need to prepare a quick dessert. I am a HUGE fan of trifles. They look beautiful, can feed a small crowd, and can be thrown together quickly (which is a must with 3 rug rats).

So it’s your lucky day. I’m about to share with you a yummo recipe.

Lemon Berry Trifle

(just typing it makes my mouth water…)

Oh, and let me also say I’m a fan of both home-made and convenience, I don’t discriminate. For this, however, I made my own lemon pound cake.

Ingredients:

Berry Sauce: (can be cooked up to one day in advance and refrigerated)

4 cups berries-fresh or frozen (if using frozen, thaw and drain) and any combination ( I used strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries). Again, because I don’t discriminate.

1 lemon, juiced
1/4 cup sugar
2 teaspoons cornstarch

Lemon Cream:

1 container COOL WHIP whipped topping

2-6 oz containers lemon yogurt (or any berry but I really wanted the lemon to stand out)

Pound Cake: (you can use a convenient frozen cake or make your own)

1 loaf, cut into 1″ cubes.

DIRECTIONS:
Combine the berries, sugar, cornstarch, and lemon juice in a saucepan over medium-high heat. Bring to a simmer and cook just until the berries begin to break down, about 3-4 minutes. Take the berries off the heat and let the mixture cool. This can be done a day in advance. Cover and refrigerate the berry syrup until ready to use.

In a clean bowl, combine COOL WHIP and yogurt by gently folding together. Cover and refrigerate if not using immediately.

It’s time to assemble!

To assemble the trifle,  add a layer of pound cake cubes; about 1/3 of the loaf.  Then drizzle on about 1/3 of the berry syrup.  Finally, spread 1/3 of the lemon cream mixture over the top spreading to edge. Repeat all the layers, 2 more times finishing with a layer of lemon cream.  I failed and put a layer of lemon cream to start and ended up not having enough to spread over the entire top…oh well. Also remember to push the ingredients up against the side of the bowl so everyone can see all your lovely layers. Cover and refrigerate until ready to serve. Give it a couple of hours in the fridge to really let the flavors combine together.

So pretty!

Of course, it just wouldn’t be right if the family didn’t taste test! The one thing about trifle desserts is the presentation isn’t always so prettiful…but the taste makes up for their sloppy looks.

Just think Brad Pitt with his scruffy beard.

And since I’m such a fan of sharing (hahahaha) I thought you might want to share YOUR favorite recipe that includes COOL WHIP whipped topping! Leave it in the comments and we’ll all thank you (with our mouths full).

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